Darryl's World

"I'm Fine, But I'm Not Okay. I'm Looking Forward To Looking Back On These Days"

Sat, 21 Jul 2007 05:11:33 GMT

Actually, I'm more than fine.....I feeling amazing. But that isn't the reason for this very brief post, which very few people will likely read as most have abandon 'Live Journal' for 'Facebook' (aka Legalized Stalking").

A friend called tonight with some news that left me a little speechless. Based on my reaction, my mother thought someone died.

What can be said about "The Zone" on 216 Water Street, St. John's, NL. Frequented by 'individuals' who perpetuated gay stereotypes and made 'others' feel less of themselves or judged. Overcrowded with bitches and drama queens. Nothing but a 'meat market'. A gay hook-up joint. Glorification of sex, booze, drugs and eating disorders. A place for gay, as well as straight individuals to dance, while hanging with or meeting new friends.

A hole. Heaven on earth.

One thing is for certain though. "The Zone" was, and is a true institution for many in this province.

"I Am Trying To Believe"

Tue, 01 May 2007 21:12:12 GMT

I'm fucking sick again. I thought flu season was over, but no...i wake up Monday morning unable to breathe. To think, I raced back here Sunday only to be off the next day anyways.....ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just really wanna lay in hot bath water and go to bed....'cause I have a feeling tomorrow is gonna be hellish...

Oh, on the way home today I picked up...

I dunno...I remember when getting a new Tori album actually meant something. I've actually had this downloaded for awhile but just haven't bothered to listen. I might give this ago tonight.....unfortunately, her last two albums haven't been great tho (I haven't listened to all "Scarlet's Walk" to this day). But, the new Nine Inch Nails album is extremely good, as is a major of the new yet to be released Bjork disc...so maybe

Fuck this, I'm getting a bath. Typically the thought of laying in my own germs disgust me....but I'm just really feeling wretched.

"Repent Yourself Away"

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 19:53:24 GMT

Well, you know you're in a completely different age with regard to music when a dance mix of a song leaks online before the original does....but so be it

Kelly Clarkson - “Never Again” (Dave Aude Remix). The official version of Kelly Clarkson’s new single, from her forthcoming album "My December", debuts on radio April 13th, meaning it should hit the web in seconds now. A dance remix, however, has already leaked. Despite the fact that musically it sounds like a generic dance track (albit, a kick ass one!) the lyrics and vocal delivery set the stage for what is going to be another chart topper a la "Since U Been Gone". There no guitars to be heard in this mix, but subliminally you know they are here. "I Hope When You’re In Bed With Her, You Think of Me", she sings with just the right 'touch' of bitterness as she condemns a former lover. She later roars "But When Your Day Comes, And He’s Through With You, And He’ll Be Through With You" as she takes a swipe at her ex's "trophy wife". Less talented chick rockers (Avril, Ashlee ect.) must hate this girl, she sounds so effortless here despite the fact that she hitting a tons of difficult notes. And she knows her way around great hooks, increasingly rare in music today. This. Will. Be. Huge.....and I haven't even heard the studio version yet?

"We Can't Rewind, We've Gone Too Far"

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 23:31:40 GMT

To those that don't read Perez "on the daily"

The video is besides the point, but this cover actually sounds kinda gorgeous. I love Alanis. "Jagged" is still one of my all time favorite albums, and she's actually been consistently great even though her last few albums have failed to take off commercially. I'd love to see her have another hit.

"Stalking Made Just Alittle Bit Easier..."

Fri, 30 Mar 2007 23:39:52 GMT

Funny, a tad creepy, and kinda true...

I still don't understand how people can spend hours on this site...to me, it's still hi5 with bigger tits.

Today some gym guy told me that I'm a genius at cardio and he didn't know how I did it....and for once, it wasn't some werid hitting on me thing (well, it didn't feel like it anyways)....and no, it wasn't cute gym guy who told me I missed a spot after drying my hair...i never saw him again after i kinda blew him off the last time(guess he didn't have a membership...pity).

anyways, after a hellish work week where I told two families that I was going to remove their children soon if things didn't change ASAP, this made me feel good.

"I Want Some Hot Stuff"

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 03:12:04 GMT

I don't know how much this will shock anyone, given my taste for crap, but...............

.....The Pussycat Dolls Presents: The Search For The Next Doll......

....kinda compelling...what with half the girl's literally throwing up on the first episode tonite (okay, the vomit shots where a bit too far...)

....it's like American Idol mixed with America's Next Top Model (I "heart" crazy Tyra).

....and Lil' Kim's a judge next week???? bizzareville! Who's next? Bjork? (new album drops May 7th btw).

.............i still think it's shit they took "Veronica Mars" off to air this....but.....i rather watch this show than the 800th season of Survivor or American Idol....both which I hate.

I dunno..i think they should have gone with my friend, Cara's, suggestion about this show: instead of finding a 7th Pussycat Doll....'cause really, seven Pussycat Dolls are way too many Pussycat Dolls....how about vote one of the existing members off....

"Love's a Tune You Hum-Mi Hum Hum"

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 04:28:12 GMT

So, I'm feeling bloggy...hence random rambling from moi...

So a bunch of weird things going on in my house lately...like loud knocking in the night from above which made me wake up and wish the fuckers upstairs would give it up...problem is, and i quickly realized this, I live in a house and there is no one upstairs....and still this knocking continued. I actually checked the door. No one there. Anyways, kinda spooked me..........

Then there was that incident this week where i swear to god I saw my dog in the kitchen...the one that's been dead since January...literally made me jump.......

So, either 1.) I'm psychotic 2.) The house is haunted or 3.) I really need to be getting my sleep. Hmmmm, I'm gonna rule out psychosis....crazy people rarely have the insight and awareness to know their crazy. So I guess I'm just tired...that or Teddy is haunting me, or there is some big ass rat in the house making alot of noise......i heard that knocking though!!!

So I was in town last weekend...just to prove I was still alive...Friday I had to drive in a fucking storm...which was scary shit. I was going like 40 for two hours. I also had to pee while on the divided highway...stopped....dropped my pants...realized after that two cars where passing as I did this...hoped to god they would not stop to see if I needed help.....when they drove off, I then urinated. There is something liberating and strange about being half nekked in a snow storm ....

I was pretty much out of it when I got in, and ended up sleeping at my friend's Jen's apartment as I didn't feel like digging my way into my sister's driveway. No, I did that for two and half hours the next day....thanks god for ipods and a Swedish supergroup.

Did coffee with Matt and Jon...Jonmatt....nope they don't have names that run nicely together like Bennifer....when Glenn and Terry dated I use to call then Glerry...that one worked better....Anyways, we ended up driving around listening to noises that were coming from Jon's car. He knew what they meant...me, not a clue....

Saw Kevin and Lesley...who showed me the description to a course she's teaching at Dal in the Spring on Contemporary theory of Modern Lit. Very impressive from a women i've known since she was...gosh....4 yrs. old. She'll soon have her Phd. Where. Does. Time. Go! I told her this sounded like a course I'd hate....well aside from Queer Theory which I probably do well on, although I'm not a big fan of Foucault so probably not. God, I bet she'd be a hellish prof too.

Met up with Jen and some of her new friends for a drink before going to the club. She has this friend who works at a funeral home....basically making dead ppl like pretty (what's the right name? I'm tired and I can't think) V. cool in a Six Feet Under kinda way.

Aside from the usuals at the Zone; Rickey, Del, Jacob et al., I basically felt like a stranger there. Not a bad thing...just weird. Rosie, Justin's former roommate was there so that was a blast....she kept telling me she wanted to go out dancing with me one nite, so it was nice to finally do that. and Justin showed up later with Steve so it t'was nice to see them out....

So basically the next day was visiting Glenn, Kev's b'day dinner, and then the Ms. Teen Newfoundland and Labrador Pageant which Chris masterfully hosted with former winner, the completely adorable Sabrina Fitzpatrick. Haven't met the girl yet, but I must say I was taken with her. Too funny...and, man, can she choreograph and dance. Even in a troop of dancers, she managed to stand out...not an easy task. Anyways, the pageant was interesting...and four hours long....and I shit you not, one of the girl's answers to the question "If you had one wish what would it be?" was....world peace.

I still managed to watch most of the Oscars with Justin and Steve....Justeve...Hey, that one kinda works...and Jes, who is now a live journaler...hey Jes! I dunno...i didn't "feel" the nominated films at all this year...and the winners were really predictable. I didn't have that one film I went ga-ga for in 2006. There were movies i liked: Devil Wears Prada, The Prestige, Hard Candy, Marie Antoinette, the Departed, Babel, Pan's Labyrinth. I really, really wanna see David Lynch's "Inland Empire"...maybe that's my film of 2006. Advice though: rent the underrated "Hard Candy". Elaine Paige, kinda the bomb in it.

Anyways, I needs to go to bed. I'll be out again sooner than later. To all the peeps i missed this time around, i'll see you soon

So in closing:

Del needs to update his perezilla website like now!!!!

I thought I had a dream about Christina Aguliera last nite. But, nope just my phone going off at 4:34 in the morning to an "Ain't No Other Man" ringtone. If it was to tell me you got with a male stripper...well, you'd get a lecture first, and then i'd want details. Much love!

and I'm gonna try this early morning gym thing once again. Wish me luck.

Later Gaters,

Darryl

Simple Observation

Sun, 18 Feb 2007 02:57:45 GMT

There are friends that stick by you

.....and there are those that don't.

I don't know how people have the ability to toss others aside, especially when the other is clearly in need, but I guess to survive they have too.

I need to learn this survival trait. In time. Now, to overcome this small set back...

Nice Message...

Sat, 10 Feb 2007 19:18:17 GMT

...But I Still Think Tyra is Crazy.

Kinda Reminded Me Of This Classic Clip

"You Don't Know Where The Hell I Came From!!!!"

Fri, 09 Feb 2007 00:01:11 GMT

okay, i feel horrible about posting that Anna Nicole clip having just been informed she died today!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I'm The Motherfucking Princess"

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 16:12:18 GMT

I remember when a best friend of mine slept with a guy I was seeing...granted we were on a break at the time. Well that's all crap now..and really I don't give the matter much though at all. My best friend then is still my best friend now...and the guy...well...I think he is still alive...

But, I was watching "Veronica Mars" last nite...which, at this point, is the only show I watch on television...(aside from downloaded episodes of the L-Word)...and well, one of the sub-stories saw Veronica's boyfriend sleeping with with a girl who had previously roofied Veronica at a high school (leading to a rape) and then scrawled "slut" on her car. The guy's argument, knowing all this info, they were on a break and the insistance that he "wasn't trying to hurt" her.

The rage filled response from Veronica: "Really? Imagine if you'd tired".

Nice!

It just reminded me of that particular incident in my life, and when faced with "we weren't trying to hurt you" how I wished I had this response. Like really, c'mon?

Sigh...to only have script writers write your dialogue in real life situations.

So, I've been listening to the new Avril song, "Girlfriend" all morning:

I'm fonded of it. It's like a guitar-driven verision of Toni Basil's "Mickey" (I hear the video is even going to have dancing cheerleaders?? And no, not the Nirvana kind), complete with a hand-clap chorus and midsection breakdown. It's pretty lite stuff, with lyrical content like "She's, like, so whatever/ You can do so much better/ I think we should get together.", but goddamn it's fun. And you can dance to it! I even like her phonie affected pronunciations of words here. "In a minute you’ll be wrapped around my fingah. ‘cause I can, I can do it bettah”. Nice to see marriage hasn't...i dunno...matured her or anything. Give it a listen.

Do You Like My Body?

Tue, 06 Feb 2007 18:34:17 GMT

I have no idea what made me think of this last nite.

Jen was over to watch what may have been the bestest episode of "The L-Word" ever...well, save for Cybill Sheppard. Like, what the hell is she doing on this show? Not only do I not buy her as a lesbian, I don't buy her as a human being here.

And speaking of the lesbian whore, Jen just rang my cell. Apparently she's moving to St. John's tomorrow! Well, lord fuck! Why does Central NL feel like the Titantic and I'm the only one not getting off the damn boat?

Sigh. Eventually.

Anyways, so we were waiting for this episode to burn to a DVD....and Jen was watching random Madonna interviews online at www.youtube.com...more specifically a today show interview as Madonna had this really ackward run in backstage with...Cybill Sheppard. "Madonna! It's Cybill! Cybill Sheppard?"...funny. Apparently, me and Jen are huge Cybill Sheppard fans now! Wooden acting an all...

But a funnier...funnier clip...that probably came to mind 'cause she's yet again whoring herself out to Entertainment Today for more money.....Anna Nicole Smith at the AMA's. Did a quick search as Jen hasn't seen it...sure enough...

This has to be one of the funniest moments in television in the past decade. And I feel sorry for her loss....but...when I see this I can barely breath. Not only that...but there was also a spot on Mad TV parody which is almost as funny...

Does anyone remember her train wreck of a show? It was actually really, really funny....in a laugh at her way. I think Glenn bought it. I must get him to burn these suckers off for me.

"I’ma Be Like A Jolly Rancher, That You Get From The Corner Store"

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 16:41:46 GMT

"I’ma Be Like a Waffle Cone, That’s Dripping Down To The Floor"

"Come Sit Upon My Lap, Hey, Come Sit Upon My Lap"

Sorry...Lately Beyonce owns my ass! Beginning to think "B'day" was my favorite album of last year...v. Tina Turner sounding.

Hmmm....so I took a sleeping pill last nite 'cause I can't sleep anymore. Ugh, I woke up completely out of it and had to got to work....I think I rinsed my hair and threw water on my face before rushing out the door. I felt/feel like a crack addict. Anyways, I'm a state today. See that movie with the Notebook guy in it where he's a teacher and also a Heroin addict (or right, it isn't out on DVD yet..oops)...well I feel like that day. No more sleeping pills for moi. I don't know how ppl do "heavier shit" and still function. Like, seriously? How do you do it guys? Seriously!

I'm increasinly disappointed by movie award season this year. WAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY too predictable. Mirren, Best Actress, Whitaker, Best Actor, Murphy, Best Supporting Actor, Hudson, Best Supporting Actress, Scorese, Best Director....those are your Oscar winners this year folks. I'm actually skipping them this year to go to the the Miss Newfoundland and Labrador Miss Teen Pagent..first time I'm missing them since 1987....when Cher was an Oscar winner actress.

Only open category....Best Picture. And if recent awards are any indication:

Really??? Was "Sunshine" that good??? Like, Seriously??? Seriously! With it's PGA and SAG wins, it's now the unlikely frontrunner. That part at the end was the funniest scene in a film I saw all year though!

"Your Vulnerability is Really Freaking Me Out Right Now"

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 17:18:29 GMT

I do love this line.....I like it more 'cause it's line from a counselor. I like irony. Do you?

I realized this morning that I lost a pair of leather gloves. Turns out I left them in a client's house yesterday during an inprompt visit. This is the first time I did this. I'm gonna chalk it up to the fact one of the kids handed me my car keys.

In another interesting, work related story....I picked up a client this morning for a meeting. I cleaned out my car, meaning I threw all the water bottles and ice cap cups in my trunk (I now have alotta junk in my trunk...also ironic because I've been told by various people that my ass is gone...anyways, I want 'that' back!!!). Driving, chatting with client...and then I noticed a small penis-shaped straw thing below the radio that Joey and Tyler dragged into my car many a moon ago, and has since been kicking around. You've seen it. Instantly mordified, and I prayed said client wouldn't see it. Fortunatley, not a problem. Sigh!!! It's on a street corner now!

Anyways, here in my office ramming chicken and rice down my throat...flicking through the new EW (with Meryl Streep, Helen Mirren, and Judi Dench on the cover together no less.....Hot Mommas!!!). So according to EW, the twenty-five movies to be seen before da Oscars are as follows:

1. The Departed (Seen) 2. Dreamgirls (Seen) 3. Babel (seen) 4. The Queen (Seen) 5. Letters From Iwo Jima 6. Little Miss Sunshine (Seen) 7. United 93 8. Little Children 9. Notes on a Scandel 10. Flags of Our Fathers 11. The Last King of Scotland 12. The Devil Wears Prada (Seen) 13. Borat 14. Blood Diamond 15. Volver 16. The Pursuit of Happyness 17. Venus 18. Children of Men 19. Pan's Labyrinth 20. Half Nelson (Seen) 21. Thank You for Smoking (Seen) 22. The Painted Veil 23. Stranger Than Fiction 24. Hollywoodland 25. For Your Consideration

So 8 out of 25 watched....kinda slack as I have 20 out of 25 in my possession. And I watched three of those this week. I. Have. No. Time. Anymore.

A co-worker told me she met this guy the week...and i was just nodding my head along...yippy, Diane's found another guy she likes. She proceeds to say, "Darryl, I think he's really your type..really boyish and cute". Felt like screaming: I DON'T WANT A MAN!!!! Well, rather ..i don't need one (see, Pussycat Dolls taught me something.) I just gave a "oh, i dunno" and slinked out of the office. I hate set ups.

Appointment at 2pm. Later!

"Should I Bend Over, Should I Look Older Just To Be Put On Your Shelf?"

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 04:26:28 GMT

Mika. Huge in 2007? Me Thinky!

A Great Christmas Gift Idea!!!!

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 01:18:49 GMT

I haven't watch SNL for....decades....but this is actually really funny.

"Look At The Mess You've Made!!!!"

Thu, 14 Dec 2006 13:12:29 GMT

A short post to say that I'll be out in St. John's this weekend...likely the last time this year. What can I say, I need to do some shopping and last weekend I just wasn't in the mood at all So, I'll try to see everyone the weekend.

So Golden Globe nominations out in an hour or so. Exciting!!! I love award season. So based on buzz and critics awards that where handed out, I guess it'd be fair to say we'll see nominations for "The Departed", "Dreamgirls", "The Queen", "Borat", "The Devil Wears Prada", "United 93" maybe "Little Children", "Babel", "Letters". Anyways, I always find these selection interesting. I need to start watching the screeners I have!!! C'mon Kristen Bell!!!!

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Can you say d.r.u.n.k.? Love the sis though!

"Could You Walk and Talk, At The Same Time?"

Fri, 08 Dec 2006 14:35:24 GMT

So, near the end of each year I usually comply a "best of" Cd containing the years biggest songs. It could be based on chart performance, airplay, the amount of time it was play around friends, or just personal liking. And I usually rank them, an end of year top twenty if you will. The last time I did this was 2004 where the top song was "Yeah!" by Usher and crew (follow closely by Britney's "Toxic"). Last year, it probably would have been "Since U Been Gone" (with "Gold Digger", "We Belong Together", and "Hung Up" in the upper levels)

Anyways, for interest sake, take a look at the 19 official Number One Hit Singles of 2006 as per Billboard's Hot 100, based both on airplay and sales:

1.) Mariah Carey - "Don't Forget About Us" (One Week)
2.) D4L - Laffy Taffy (One Week)
3.) Nelly ft. Paul Wall, Ali and Gipp - Grillz (Two Weeks)
4.) Beyonce ft. Slim Thug - Check On It (Five Weeks)
5.) James Blunt - "Your Beautiful" (One Week)
6.) Ne-Yo - "So Sick" (Two Weeks)
7.) Sean Paul - "Temperature" (One Week)
8.) Daniel Powter - "Bad Day" (Five Weeks)
9.) Rihanna - "S.O.S" (Three Weeks)
10.) Chamillionaire ft. Krayzie Bone - "Ridin" (Two Weeks)
11.) Shakira ft. Wyclef Jean - "Hips Don't Lie" (Two Weeks)
12.) Taylor Hicks - "Do I Make You Proud?" (One Week)
13.) Nelly Furtado ft. Timbaland - "Promiscuous" (Six Weeks)
14.) Fergie - "London Bridge" (Three Weeks)
15.) Justin Timberlake - "SexyBack" (Seven Weeks)
16.) Ludacris fr. Pharrell - "Money Maker" (Two Weeks)
17.) Justin Timberlake ft. T.I. - "My Love" (Three Weeks)
18.) Akon ft. Snoop Dogg - I Wanna Love You" (Two Weeks)
19.) Beyonce - Irreplaceable (Current Number One)

So...Are these representative of the best songs of 2006 or the bigger hits in your mind? Surprised by some exclusions/Songs you thought where number ones? Any songs here that weren't really that big that you where surprised to see here? Is "SexyBack" the biggest song of 2006? Anyways, if you can think of a missing song that in your mind represents 2006 to you, by all means....leave a comment. I'm interested.

For me, when looking back at 2006, I'll always remember "Maneater".

The Most Probable Answer.....

Wed, 06 Dec 2006 22:26:31 GMT

But Kinda Wanted Nate or Brenda. Is There a "Sex and the City" One? 'Cause I'm A Total Carrie!

Which Six Feet Under Family Member Are You Most Like?

Claire Fisher

You are fun, wild, full of life, even though you have been surrounded by death your whole life. You have not found yourself yet. You are constantly attracted to the wrong people and get yourself into bad situations

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

So A Serious Post From Me For A Change

Thu, 30 Nov 2006 04:30:40 GMT

Okay, so this feels like a press statement or something...but so be it:

So I just re-read Matt's, or Matty as he's known by many, response that I made to Jon in my "Best Bar Shirt" post. I haven't spoken to Jon yet, so I have no idea what his feelings are around this matter. I haven't talked to Matt directly either...i left voice mails and word with Julia, his roommate on MSN. These comments were posted in a public forum for all my contacts to read, and anyone else who's aware of this journal, I felt it needed to be address in that manner.

As I said, I just re-read Matt's post after watching "America's Next Top Model" and was just surprised again of how full of rage it is. I left messages, he can contact me directly. I typed it to a snippy and negative comment that Jon left. But I know Jon was joking around, and when you get those kinds of responses, you obviously respond back in a similar manner. I was on my way to a meeting, and on the phone checking messages while typing it, so work was on my mind. The "very important" part was a direct reference to the first "Bridget Jones' Diary" movie, remember the sexy and teasing e-mail's between her and the Hugh Grant character early on. And I know Jon works hard, and is at a valued job. Again, it was me kidding around. But I think he knows this. We've had live journal arguments before and laugh about it. People have messaged me wondering why he was being mean to me, especially over the Hilary post from the summer, but I stated he was just having fun and playing around. I did the same today when friends asked me about this recent comment. Just him joking around, and that he's a great friend. Again, I kinda feel foolish for typing this with regard to him as I think he knows all this. But I texted him, and he can call me. But for the record, if he was offended in anyway or the joking went to far, here's my offical apology: I'm Truly Sorry.

But I'm writing this post publically as Matt suggested in his comment that I may have offended other friends that worked in call centres by my comment to Jon, and that I should also apology to them. Again, the response was me kidding around with a friend. He could have came back and called me a baby snatcher, and this would have be the same kind of senario. If I did offend anyone, I'm also truly sorry and apologize. You can either post a comment here or e-mail me privately. Or call if you have my number. Truth is, I've worked in a call centre before. It's not easy work, and you don't get paid what you deserve, but you do what you have to do to make ends meet.

When I was in St. John's, I was unemployed. I had paid leave for awhile. That ended in November. I went on sick unemployment, and this was extremely tough when you've got alot of bank and student loans to pay. So, creditors where calling. This was not a great situation. And It wasn't a good feeling to not be working. I would have gladly worked in a call center or in the mall at that time. In fact, I applied to Cd-Plus. Truth is, I wouldn't have made nearly enough to cover my expenses. Seven years of school, lots of debit. You basically need to be making alot of money. And I say sick unemployment for a reason. The reason I left work in Central back in August 2005 was due to a severe eatting disorder. I was extremely bulimic. I was exercising to the point of exhaustion and was having heart problems. I was 130 lbs. At the time, I really didn't have any friend around, and the ones that where around were in St. John's and elsehwhere and where being extremely distant for some reason. I was in a new position where I was unsure what I was doing as it wasn't child protection. I had no support from my one other co-worker, and I had an off-site supervisor who wasn't even a social worker and was new to the program himself. I was living home with my parents with the same parental house rules that I had as a child. For example, not washing your dishes before work was an issue....I was 28 yrs old! I felt totally alone. The only thing I had control over was my body weight, the type of food I eat, and my exercise. When I lost control off my eatting and started bindging as I was starving myself...well I eventually started vomiting to regain control. And it help matters... for like a second. It helped take the pain away. When it got too problematic and started effecting my job performance, I knew I had to take a leave. And I had to leave Central. I went to St. John's where I had friends, my sister and eventually my mother. It really was a low point in my life.

But I started seeing excellent professions and counselors. And I meet great people in addition to the great friends I had already. I felt connected, part of a community i guess. So, thanks for that.

But the financial stressors caught up and I had no choice but to return to my child protection position in Grand Falls. I have great co-workers who know about my issues and support me. I have great friends here as well, Kevin and Jen who have become rocks, for the time being. My family is amazing. Was it hard moving back? Yeah. But near the end, it was hard living in St. John's as financial stressors took the place of enivornmental and social stressors and I started regressing. And I'm gonna to say that eat disorders and body issues are always with you, it's just learning to control them and not let them control you. It's a daily struggle because it became a coping strategy.

Past few days, I've come to some conclusions. I've always believed that things happen for a reason. I think that I'm meant to be here right now and working here. I had a interview for positions in St. John's, but i was so sick with a cold and ear infection when I did it that I know I didn't answer the questions or present myself well. I will not be considered for employment because of this. My abilities to fight common colds and flu due to the eating disorder and years of limited eating is way down. I get sick easily and for a longer period of time now. But, I need to commit to living here right now, doing an amazing job at work, and getting my financial matters together. My mother offered to help me fix my car, which I'm really embarassed to drive to work, but I refused. I don't need another creditor and I don't want to be supported by someone. I want, and need, to do this on my own. I can't think of romantic relationships right now either, I need to focus on myself. Casual dating I guess is okay, but as my most recent experience with a guy has shown me...even that usually goes to fast, attentions get taken away from other matters, and I just get hurt in the end even when I actively go into things protecting myself from being hurt...again. I never sought out reationships..the ones that I've had, breif as there were, came together naturally (well I pursued one guy, but it didn't work out, and we are friends). But, I need to start dating guys my own age, as youth just doesn't seem to be working for me...different stages of life i guess. Will, maybe there are exceptions. So, my focus right now is myself, my work, and my friends...and eventually becoming a great social worker and financial independent. Then, I'll move somewhere where i'll be happier...to a position that I'm gonna love.

I'm doing better. I have my second counseling appointment tomorrow in Central. I'm not vomiting, I've increased my eating, I've cut back on exercise. I'm drawing on my support here in Central, and in other areas of Newfoundland, Canada, and the World. I actively try to stay in contact with ppl as it's important to me. No one wants to feel alone, especially in a small town like this. So, I thank those that have been there for me. I said this to a few ppl but...you saved me. Chantielle was one, and Matt was another. This really hurts I guess 'cause I'd though he knew me better than this. The kind of person I am. Maybe he was having a bad day, or just read it wrongly. I guess it can be difficult to translate the intended humor sometimes in written form. How can i look down on people that provided me with so much?

This has been emotionally draining. But, I've been meaning to do something like this for awhile...hence the words and flow came naturally. But, I'm doing well and I'm strong. I've become more assertive, and I know I'm gonna be a better worker when I eventually leave this province and move on. But for now, I'm here and I'm going to make the best of it. I'm not ashamed of any of this, and I don't want pity. Just a personal story. And an apology for anyone I offended.

Thanks for Reading.

Best Bar Shirt Ever!!!!

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 15:56:33 GMT

If someone wants a christmas gift idea for me, than look above.

This screencap, by the way, is from the last aired episode of, and say this out loud, THE BEST SHOW CURRENTLY AIRING ON TELEVISION AND SHOULD BE WATCHING - "Veronica Mars". Sharp writing, great acting, best one liners...just super smart. I've been plugging this show since it started airing in 2004, and for the number of people I've turned on to it...I should be on its payroll. Dunno if the show's writer came up with the idea of the shirt themselves, but to have traditionally prudish Mac (played the amazing Tina Majorino of "Napoleon Dynamite" fame) wearing that shirt at a college Frat party where her and her friends are testing drinks for GHB as a serial rapist has threatened to strike....well, I think that is genius. As was this character's one liner about possibly not getting into this party as her "Porn Star" tube top had lost too much of its glitter. Hmmm, someone can pick me up one of these as well!

Anyways, loves the shirt, loves the show. Again, "Veronica Mars" - Best Show Airing on Television Currently! The first two complete seasons are available to buy in stores. The third season is currently airing on television, and is also available to illegally download online(if you engage in that kind of crappy, immoral behavior that is).

Back later to defend Beyonce's "Irreplaceable" to Del....and the rest of you if don't think this song is anything short of beautiful.

Hell, I might even write an actually post about me soon. But, then again, I'm enjoying my privacy.

"I Could Have Another You In A Minute"

Tue, 28 Nov 2006 07:47:49 GMT

So, I'm up late....working on a report for work...decided to check lj before I head to bed for a few hours...left a few random replies to some posts, as that's what one does on lj. I just posted this comment in another person's journal...read it over..kinda liked what i wrote..so it's going here too. I wish I had a job writing this kinda stuff, it'd be so much fun....i've done movie/music review since junior high (school papers and such). Why did i pick a career where I remove children and I'm hated on...lol...granted, it important and necessary work....and those that don't think so are really ignorant and not informed. No children getting maltreated on my watch! Anyways, i digress!

Beyonce - "Irreplaceable". Hands down the BEST single playing on radio currently, and also Beyonce's most gorgeous single to date. Definately the most beautiful song about kicking a guy to the curb ever! With the state that the music industry is in today, where melody resistant tracks like Gwen's "Wind It Up" and, yes i'm saying this, Justin's "Sexyback" are dominating airwaves, it's refreshing to see a song with an actual melody (remember what they sound like?) doing well. It's currently #3 on Billboard Hot 100. It's deserving of #1 status. With this song and the upcoming, and heavily buzzed, "Dreamgirls", Beyonce/Sasha is on a roll!

This song is sooooooooooooooooooooooooo good! I've been listening to it for a month or so and it's pretty much on repeat. I actually had the new album, "B-Day" bought (got it for 9.98 due to a pricing mistake at Wal-Mart) and for awhile just had it here unopened. Opened and listened to it recently. Despite the first two lacklaster singles, the album is really, really good. Better than her first solo outting (other album track, "Get Me Bodied"...amazing!!). I think i have a new respect for this women. Who knew?

I need to get my ass to bed.

"And If You Play Your Cards Right, I Just Might Marry You"

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 17:29:08 GMT

...And Will Then Quickly File For An Annulment. I Just Wanna Be Proposed To....And A Ring Would Be Nice.

So, my cell number has finally be changed....I'll e-mail folk with the new digits later. But, the old number...no longer valid, so erase it from your cellies, rolodexs, or black books.

Tired of this ear infection...but it has the pleasant effect of making me nearly deaf to annoying chitter chatter. Double edged sword I guess...

"You Better Reach Out and Touch Me!"

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 19:17:58 GMT

I posted this in response to one of Del's posts, but here's a download suggestion for all of you:

Jamelia - "Beware of the Dog". And yeah, there's a video out already in the UK.

I brought this track down to the Zone the weekend and it went over like fire despite the fact it was about 3:30 am. Listen to it and enjoy it before it gets overplayed 'cause this one is Hot!!! (Fabian asked about it after Glenn played it at my insistance). It plays like an improved version of "S.O.S.": just substitute "Tainted Love" with "Personal Jesus", add an actually singer (Jamelia) instead of an adaquate vocalist (Rihanna): you have "Beware of the Dog". A classic waiting to happen?

Btw, what is it with all these songs directly sampling older tunes. It seems to be a trend starting with the direct "Gimme, Gimme, Gimme (A Man After Midnight)" sample in "Hung Up". In fact, it's more than sampling in these cases, the sample is the song! For instance, we have:

1.) Rihanna - "S.O.S." - Containing a direct sample of Soft Cell's "Tainted Love"

2.) Paris Hilton - "I Want You" - Containing a direct Sample of Frankie Valli's "Grease"

3.)Jojo - "Anytime" - Containing a direct sample of Toto's "Africa"

and now this Jamelia track. I'm sure there are others. Inspired choices or just lazy songwriting? Discuss.

"The Bottom Feels So Much Better Than The Top. So Much Better!!"

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 18:35:16 GMT

So, in about an hour I'll leave work and head off to St. John's for my favorite events downtown all year. Like, who doesn't enjoy dressing up slutty. Put on my costume for the first time last nite...my mother's response, "Why Don't You Just Go Naked", follow later by a "Please Be Care. Do You Plan To Drink? 'Cause Maybe You Shouldn't If You Wearing That. Oh, and Use Protection". Yes, apparently my outfit is revealing...really just playing up a stereotype...i mean, it's Halloween. Anyway, it's a tad more skinnier than this one from last year...which Del just informed me he is wearing saturday nite. Guard with life please Del!!! And yes, I think cum stains come out with dry cleaning:

Scary crotch action!!! Going to be scarier tomorrow nite with Del wearing it....

So funny incident last weekend, which i'm not gonna go into fully..not enough time. Some guy, claiming to be in the "industry" as his job was picking out the hots guy and girl (yeah, it sounded like porn to me too), was buying me drink (which I refused initially, until I thought who cares), and feeding me lines ("you're the hots guy in this place, well aside from me". Mind you, it was a Friday nite at the Zone, but I just rolled my eyes and continue to sip my white russian). Funniest moments: him giving me money to get the drinks, and then tell me make sure I get back the right change as it was a hundred dollar bill, and him telling me he's done film work with Harrison Ford and Mariah Carey (although why you would admit to being in a film with Mariah is beyond me). Anyway, shit like this always happens to me now...at a bar, at the gym, in stores....ect. It makes for fun stories I guess.

So, I haven't done a good old music review in awhile....

So, Gwen's new single, "Wind It Up", drop this past Monday..leaked on internet ofcourse. I love hearing lead off single from artist: Gwen's second solo album "The Sweet Escape" is out December. Being produced by the Neptunes of "Hollaback" fame, expectations for this song are high. And how is it.....

Well, lets put it this way, it's a cross between Kelis' "Milkshake" and....."Sound of Music"...like it literally sounds like Sound of Music, there's a "The Lonely Goatherder" sample used in it???? Result: Only someone with talent could create a song that is WRONG and is so much of a mess on so many levels. It has no melody, she speaks all the way through it, and she continues to talk about her clothing line (LAMB). It'll be Number 1 on Billboard Hot 100 in the matter of weeks.

Download suggestion: "Nan, She's A Window Shopper" - Lily Allen. TOO FUNNY! Been playing it in my busted car for a month now. It's a take off of the 50 Cent song.